I wish I am a Doctor/Nurse..

Sometimes I wish I am a doctor or a nurse, so that my dad will listen to me.

Lately my dad has not been feeling well. It is either he feel dizzy or feel like vomiting. Every day he checks his high blood pressure twice a day and sometimes can be quite high (140-150). Every time he saw the reading so high, he will get nervous or worried. Then later sure he say not feeling well. I wonder is it his sensitivity or it is a true sick or he just want to get our attention. But whatever it is, I hope he is not because of wanting to get our attention and pretend sick in front of us.

My brother told me that doctor said my dad diagnosed with Vertigo. I checked in the google, Vertigo is actually a type of dizziness like a spinning movement. It is often associated with nausea and vomiting as well as difficulties standing or walking. My brother said there is no cure but just to take medicine only. My brother also said he had the same illness as well.

Looking at my dad, I can confirm one thing that he is old. I know we can’t depend on him to take care of mom but what can we do? Quit our job or hire one more maid? Another concern and worried is my brother. Dad always goes to my brother and said his high blood increase and he felt like vomiting. My brother already quite stressful and I’m afraid he will get more stress up seeing at my dad’s condition. If I’m a doctor or nurse, at least my dad will come to me and listen to me but he only listen to brother. I also wanted to reduce my brother’s burden by taking care of the family.

Anyway, I pray that God will heal my dad & brother and give them more strength and healthy life. I will be taking emergency leave again. Hope my boss understands.

You are still the one...

Today is his birthday but I can’t wish him. I try to control myself not to msg/email to him. What a difficult task. Thinking of him but can’t do anything. What I can do is to write down the memorable time we had for the last 3 years.

We met in the office and we worked together. SAP has brought us close to each other. Because I have experience with the new version and he is not, so we get along quite well. We discuss and learn from each other. I still remember during that time I don’t know about IM (instant messaging) in lotus notes which we can chat with colleagues within DKSH. I and he correspond through email until when I got IM, we started to IM each other.

In IM, we shared a lot of things, our stress, our personal problems and even a little gossiping.. ;) My most memorable time is our first outing to church for an event. I invited a lot of my colleagues including him but to my surprise he agreed to go with me. None of my colleague accepted the invitation but he did. I’m so happy!

On that day I’m so looking forward and after work, we went for dinner nearby my church. That’s the time I know him better. He even shared about his relationship with me when I told him that I like to imagine. He said his ex-gf has this kind of symptoms too which is more serious than me. What a coincidence. We had a great night and the event was good.

The second outing is to Damansara Perdana, one of the café. I also didn’t expect he will come. In fact, I remember I asked him to karaoke but he can’t make it. Then he asks me out the next day and I told him okay. Unfortunately later he said he can’t cuz he got a friend come by to visit him, so we decided to meet at night at the café.

There are a few outings for us other than going out for lunch during working hour. I don’t need to mention each outing except the last outing we had which is towards christmas time. He asked me out for Christmas dinner. This is because both of us were so busy with our projects and hardly catch up. So he proposed to have dinner together and at the same time to catch up. Of course I’m excited and looking forward.

That night he brought me to Kelana Jaya Square (oh no..i forgotten the name of the restaurant) but it’s a very romantic restaurant where we sat near the pond. We had our steak and we even shared a bowl of soup as it’s quite big portion. After dinner, he sent me back to office to wait for calista to come and pick me up. While waiting for calista, I offered him a massage when he mentioned he was tired. I still remembered I did the same when both of us involved in a project and have to work late. He said my strength is not strong enough and he showed the right way to massage. All I can say, that night is the most memorable night I had with him among all the outings. And sadly, it is also our last night.

After my confession to him, all the above feelings have gone. I felt is like a tragedy to me. He did not talk to me as it like before, he did not say hi when he pass by my place and even try to avoid me. I’ve cried many times because of him and knowing that he is leaving, make me even more pain. I could not see him anymore. I was wishing that he will stay but he didn’t. He told me that he will keep in touch with me when he left that day, but he didn’t. Is it true that guys’ words cannot be trusted?

He left for few months and I did msg him once but he didn’t reply. I am very curious if he is still in Malaysia or not. Recently, one the colleague talks bout him and I took the opportunity to ask my colleague to call him. True enough he is still in Malaysia. I don’t know why I felt happy when I know he is still in Malaysia. Maybe I’m imagining that we could meet one day.

Until today, I still cannot let go of him. I tried not to think of him but off and on the memories will flashback in my head. Maybe when I leave DKSH, it would be the time I let go. I’m just hoping he will drop me a msg/email. I wonder this day will ever come.

Anyway, happy birthday to you…you are still the one who has placed a deep footprint in my heart. I wish you all the best in whatever you do. Miss you so much and the time we work together.

I like the feeling....

Men who are gentleman are very important. This is what I have been emphasizing with my friends whenever they asked me the criteria for a guy.

I like the feeling when a guy cares for me. I like the feeling when a guy sees you carrying so many things and he offers help (he don’t mind to carry laptop too). I like the feeling when a guy helps me to order food. I like the feeling when a guy opens the door for me (I mean not to the extend of car door). I like the feeling when a guy knows how to make me laugh when im sad or down. I like the feeling when a guy understands me, comfort and support me. I like the feeling when a guy willing to fetch me to and fro to the destination. I like the feeling when he message me back after the outing, just to check it out if I have reach.

This is what I call gentlemen but sad to say, not many guys will do these. But today I went out for dinner with a guy and he does some of it. Maybe because I mentioned to him about gentlemen and he doesn’t want to loose face. Haha..

Anyway, I do have a great time. I thought I will go home straight for dinner. Never expect he will ask me out for dinner. But at least someone has taken some of my time.

On leave cum working at home

I am on leave today and working at home.

Second sister need to reach school early in the morning for her exam and hence, I’m taking leave to take care of mom.

Sometimes is good to work at home so that you can avoid all the calls and other interruption. But today is a bit different because I did not apply leave earlier as I thought I don’t need to take leave if Calista is still here. Since my boss has gone to Sarawak for business trip, I can take a day off but she didn’t know. This morning was really a rush cuz I am suppose to submit a proposal to a supplier by noon today. I have been working with that proposal and send to my boss for final review before sending. So there were many calls from my boss and she still didn’t know I’m actually on leave.. haha..

Anyway, I managed to touch up the proposal and send it over on time. Phew…. As I want to continue working, I felt sleepy now and feel like taking a nap.. haha..
That’s the problem working at home. I am very energetic and passionate when I work in the office but once come back to my home sweet home, I felt lazy. Maybe is the environment. Office got strong lights and house got dim lights.

Alright, I have decided to sleep.. Will continue work at night and tomorrow is my Jazzercise time again. So looking forward.

As long as I am happy!!

There are many unpredictable things happen in our life everyday. Whether is a happy thing or a sad thing, it depends how you take it. But I guess when you know the purpose of your life, you will know how to handle and take care of your life.

It has been a difficult weeks for me and until today, I can only say I feel better. I think about it, I have also changed in terms of my life. I am currently attending theology class on every Monday and I have just signed up Jazzercise which is on every Tuesday and Thursday. I tried the first class of Jazzercise today and I love it very much. Although I can’t really go out on the weekends, but I have fully utilize my weekdays and I’m happy. ;-)

That should be the way. Instead of squeezing myself in the corner and cry, might as well I find something to make myself happy.

Life goes on....with lesser words

If you ask me if i feel better, im still not. I dont know how much time i need to make myself back to normal. However, life still goes on. The only change in me is i talk less. I dont feel like explaining or sharing eventho being asked by my friends.

I just want to quiet down, quiet down my mind not to think of anything but to do whatever need to be done. A lot of things need to handle n settle and most important thing is to settle the house thingy first. Then at least i can take a deep breathe.

I thanked God for my eldest sis cuz off n on she will text me to check on me. Im just so touch. Probably she has really seen my weakness and she is worried bout me. But i will still tell her im ok, dun worry.

Time will heal...

Whether you like it or not, life is full of ups and downs. Life is full of surprises. Life is full of things that you will welcome and may not welcome. It all depends how you take it, how you handle it and how you face it. But the most important thing is when you have a religion to cling on, everything will be alright. You can be extremely sad for awhile but will not be forever if you willing to go back to God and bring your tears and frustration to God.

I thanked God that You are always here for me. I thanked God I am a Christian. I thanked God no matter how down I am, You will send someone to bring me up. Forgive me for being stubborn sometimes, but I know You love me. I just need some time to get through it and I will be alright God.

Luv ya..

My First Class

After having persuaded many times by my colleague, I have decided to sign up for theology class for the 2nd semester. I have not been in touch with God’s word for some time and I thought by taking theology, it will force me to read God’s word frequently.

For this semester, the courses were very interesting but I have chosen understanding of New Testament. As bible has old testament and new testament, I guess it will not be that bored by taking new testament.

Last night I went for my first class and we have 7 of us including me. It is just nice for one class. The course starts from 7.15pm to 10.30pm, every Monday for 10 weeks. I asked Pastor if there will be any exams (as I heard from my colleague there will be exam in order to get the credit), and Pastor said the assignments are part of the credit already. I looked at the assignments, there are three of them:

a) Reading Log – I have to read 300 chapters and submit the log before the deadline which is mid June. Pastor will review what have I read and if it is not relevant, he will ask me to re-read again.. Phew..
b) Research Paper – I have to choose one topic (out of 5 topics) and do research from as many books as I can and write 1500-2000 words.
c) Presentation – I need prepare power point presentation slides of either one of the characters in the bible or the event or the place and present within 25-30mins

That’s my assignment. It’s really not easy but I know I will learn a lot from the reading and research that I’m going to do.

Apart from this new testament, I also want to take up another course which is Christology. It talks about Christ only. Although I have been Christian for many years, I can’t say I know Christ a lot, and hence I want to attend this course. Furthermore, this lecturer only came here for 3 months and he will go back to UK. My colleague says this is a very good lecturer and very fun to listen to him. He is 68 years old. I’m really tempted to go but I’m afraid I couldn’t cope with two courses plus assignment. Anyway, I will attend the Thursday class and decide later.

I’m quite excited of the new life I’m having but I hope it is not the life that I can't bear. May God give me strength, stamina, patience and wisdom along the way.

Unforgettable wake service

I cannot imagine I’m writing a blog at this time. I really don’t have mood to work. Recently I’m quite disturbed with so many things going on. Not to mention on my family matters, my supplier’s son has passed away last Thursday. I went to his wake service last Friday. I have never attended a children wake service before where I’m so emotional observing the atmosphere and the family members. His grandpa kept on weeping his tears and his grandma kept on comforting the grandpa that his grandchild has gone up to Heaven. Don’t be sad. I did not talk much on that night as I just want to quiet down myself and of course start to imagine. Imagine that if this happens to my family. Can I be that strong?

My supplier’s son is only 11 years old and is the eldest son of two. He was diagnosed with brain tumor and the whole process from knowing the result to his funeral takes only 2 weeks. What a sudden tragedy. The saddest part in this wake service is when the parents came up to share about his son. Especially when his mom shared the journey of his son during the hospitalization, I couldn’t hold my tears any longer.

The tumor is as big as the tennis ball. Doctor was amazed why there is no any symptom with this huge size of tumor in an eleven years old brain? Two weeks ago, the parents noticed that his son crouch while walking. And so they brought them to see orthopedic to check on his spine. But the doctor didn’t found anything and his spine are normal.

After a few days, his son cried and told his mom of his back pain and after that he vomited. The parents quickly bring him to emergency ward. After awhile the nurse came out and told the parents that her son need to go for brain scanning. The mom was puzzled as she thought is the spine problem and why did they need to scan the brain? The nurse told her is doctor’s instruction. His mom went out to look for her husband to inform him and as she step out, she saw doctor was talking to her husband and overheard of their conversation. The doctor told his husband that he noticed there is a big tumor in his son’s brain and need an immediate scanning to examine further. The mom was trembling and shivering hearing this news but she had to go to accompany her son for the scanning.

Last Monday, the son went for an operation to take out the tumor. Before the operation, the parents spend a day to accompany their son and pray for him. They had a very good quality time together. The son asked his mom, “mommy, operation need knife or not? Is it pain? What happen if doctor cut wrongly, what happen if doctor drop the knife and it gets dirty, what happen and what happen..”. My tear has started rolling down thinking he must be very afraid.
His mom was very calmed and told his little son, “don’t worry son, doctor don’t need a knife but he will give you a jab and then make a small hole and remove the tumor in your brain. Then close back the hole for you and maybe you will loose some hair. That’s all only”. What a wonderful white lie. Is only a mom can do, I guess. Looking at his son who is still not convincing, the parents continued to remind him “you got Jesus with you, aren’t you? Jesus will be there with you. He will not let anyone to hurt you. He will control the doctors for you and will not let them hurt you. He will take care of you and will be there in the operation theatre even before you go in. Have you forgotten the dream you had 3 years ago?” “You told me you saw a man wearing a white robe came towards you and touch your head. You told me it was Jesus! He loves you my son”. After hearing all these, his son finally felt the peace and smile at the parents. Ever since he admitted, they have never seen such great smile in his son face before.

As his mom accompanies him to the operation theatre, his mom sang;

Jesus loves me! this I know,For the Bible tells me so.Little ones to Him belong;they are weak but He is strong.Yes, Jesus loves me!Yes, Jesus loves me!Yes, Jesus loves me!The Bible tells me so.
His mom repeats the song on and on again until they reach the operation theatre. Prayers from the parents friends, church members, family, colleagues from all over the world has been the most comfort and hope to them.

Operation lights off, doctor came out and say that they couldn’t continue further as the blood was over-flowing from his brain the moment they took out the tumor and they only manage to get 10% out. The son was sent to ICU for observation. The next day, the doctor said one of their son’s eyes has no feeling/not functioning. Doctor suspects his son’s brain was dead and need to do further test to confirm.

First test failed and before his son went for the last test which is the 2nd test, the parents really cried out to the Lord to spare his son. To make his son resurrected from death just like our Lord Jesus. Ten minutes before the 2nd test, doctor wants to see the parents again. And this time the doctor told them that he noticed the son’s back spine has a lot of little tumor surrounding the spine. The parents really shocked to hear that. And they finally understood why God take him away. How can a little boy endure this kind of disease? Hence, they have already prepared the 2nd test result which is turns out to be failed as well.

Although the son had to go, the parents’ heart had the peace of who is holding his son’s hands now. It is God. God doesn’t want to see his son suffering and hence bring him up earlier. It is already a miracle that nothing happens with his son for the past 11 years even though with this big tumor. As long as they cherish the time that they had, it is a very good satisfaction to them.

The whole night service I was so emo. I’m so proud of both the parents who can be such strong and willing to share the journey with us. How can they hold the tears?

Not a very smooth day..

21st Feb 2010 - It supposed to be a good day where both Calista and I started our program with going to church. It has been a while since my last visiting to DUMC. Felt very guilty due to my busy schedule and also fulfilling my duty at home. So we happily went to church and as usual it is not easy to find a parking where is near to DUMC. So we spotted one empty parking In front of a factory’s gate. Thinking that today is a Sunday, the factory may not open and since there is also a car already parked at it. So we went in for worship and just after our worship, we saw two car plate numbers on the screen asking to remove our vehicle immediately. Of course one of the plate number is ours..haha…

Thank God when we stepped out, the church van already waiting for us to send us to our parking lot. We felt so blessed so that we don’t have to walk. :-) When we collect our car, the guard came out and scolds us not to park outside the gate. If any fire emergency, the firemen will not be able to enter. Well, we accept his explanation and we admit out wrongs. Okie guard, no next time will we park at the gate… J

Then the next program is to visit my colleague. It was smooth..nothing happens. We chat, eat and a little gambling session. We went off at 3.30pm to One Utama to meet up with And for movie. Hmm…I would say..is a lil bit bored for me for this outing. Maybe I’m tired and also my mind was thinking another person. :-D

Anyway, we went for a movie called “Little Big Soldier”, starring Jackie Chan and my favorite singer “Lee Hom”. The movie was quite good and a little bit of comedy action. After movie, we went for dinner at the Garden. And was really enjoyed the food as it is his first time there.

After dinner around 9pm, we head back home. He was very gentlemen and say he will walk us to our packing space. When we reached our car, I usually have the habit to really glance at my car before enter in. On that night, when I looked at my car, I found out there is some imbalance of car where the front part was lowered down to the right. When I check out the tyre, it was already flat. I was told that we could get help from the security guards to help to change the tyre.

Thank God we were at the parking lot when this incidence happens. I could not imagine if my tyre got puncture in middle of the road side. Please God, we will not want to experience that. The security got it fixed within 20 mins. My first time seeing how people changed the flat tyre, although is not that complicated, it absolutely need a lot of strength and I wonder if a lady can do it on her own. Probably is good to try it but only for practice. :-D

Our car was so weird after the replacement of the temp tyre cuz it is so tiny. I have to drive very slowly and carefully because of the imbalance. Whatever it is, I thank God even though my tyre got flat, it was happened in the parking lot and the time was not that late. I also thank God that I was on leave the next day and so happened also I planned to take my car for service. Now I can do everything together.

Back to Blogspot

With much demand from my so called “di di”, I finally released a bit of my time to update my blog.

Firstly, Happy Chinese New Year…gong hei gong hei.. :D I had a very memorable Chinese New Year. Thanks to my sister, Lacerena who thought of the dress theme to make the festive season more lively and happening. When I first heard that all of us need to wear cheongsam, my first response was that, oh no.. how am I going to fit in the cheongsam. My sisters really had got me. All of us start to hunt around for cheongsam, trying to get the best fit. Now I understand really not everyone can wear cheongsam unless you are really skinny. For me, thank God in the end I managed to find one which cost me RM 159!!! Expensive huh?? But it’s okay, cuz I’m going to wear it every year..haha…

On the 2nd day of CNY, as usual, my 2 married sisters will come back with the husband and kids. We all dressed up our cheongsam and start taking pictures. It is so fun & beautiful when everyone dressed the same type of outfit. And the best thing is Rena managed to come back and celebrate with us. We just took non-stop even though we are actually sweating.

Apart from this, this year, I was quite busy travelling around, to my uncle’s house, my sister’s house and my sister in-law’s house and also eat non-stop. I don’t dare to weigh bcos I believe I am definitely put on a few kilos. Oh no….must stick to Herbalife after CNY...

For more pics, you may visit my facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/album.php?aid=148414&id=722359269&ref=mf

Coming back to the heart of Worship

I couldn’t remember when my last time was going to church. This morning, thank God that my brother doesn’t need me to swap duty with him and so off I went to church. Today’s feeling is very different from other Sunday. Maybe because it’s been awhile that I didn’t go to church.

I prayed to God and asked for His forgiveness before I start my journey. I have been a very disobedient child. I often find reasons not to read bible, find reasons not to have quiet time with God, find reasons not to go church and even find reasons not to attend cell but I can’t find any reasons not to online and log in to my favorite MSN and facebook.

This morning was a baptism day in my church. There were around 15-20 persons baptizing. The couple who really catches my eyes was an old lady and an old man. I guess both were around late 50s or early 60s. I was imagining when I will see my family members baptizing especially my parents. This both aunty and uncle have chosen the right path and I feel happy for them. As the baptism ceremony goes on, the Holy Spirit kept on prompting to me and brought me back in year 2002, Christmas Day.

I was baptized with my younger sister with the witness from my mom and siblings. That was my most happiest and unforgettable moment in my life. My sister and I (being the first-two Christians in the family) had went through many hardships convincing and proving to our family members that we have found the meaning of life; Life with our creator, our Heavenly Father, who sent His only son, Jesus Christ to die for us and how our lives has changed.

When Pastor prays for the candidates, I recall the commitments that I have made to God on my baptism day. How I want to know Him better, how I want to be an obedient child, how I want to reach out to people and save them. But what am I doing now? How much and how deep do I know God? How many chapters have I read in the bible? And how many lives have I saved?

The whole service I was so disturbed by all these questions in my heart & I felt so guilty. I just can’t control my tears and felt so sorry to God. When brother Gilbert lead us to a closing song, “Lord You are Always here with me”, I closed my eyes and asked God to forgive me and give me another chance to come back to Him. No matter how disobedient I am and how much sins I have committed, God is always here with me, blessing me at the background. Where can I find a God that never gives up on me even though I have given up on Him?

傷心的一天

當我最忙的是後,這消息突然來了.聽到他要離開了,真的很傷心.以前他還在這裡做工的時候,還會有機會遇見他.但是現在沒了.他的離開我知道是遲早的事,不過沒有想到這麼快.

怎麼辦呢??到現在還放不下.从那天跟他說了之後,他完全變了另外一个人.看到我裝沒看到.沒有以前聊的那麼開心了.一切的回憶就好想百紙一樣. 覺得很心痛,很可惜. 回想過來,如果沒有跟他說的話,我們現在的關係會不會好很多呢?

天啊,快點幫我洗腦啦!!然後放多多開心的事在裡面,那我就會開心起來了!!!

Appreciate everyone's in your life, whether is family or friends.

Last Wednesday I attended Chee Mun’s funeral with Calista. Chee Mun was Calista’s colleague’s (Shirene) brother. I heard about Chee Mun for some time through Calista. Our relationship is a bit complicated. Calista’s colleague so happen to be my schoolmate whom we did not keep in touch at all. And Chee Mun is also considering our schoolmate because he studied the same primary school as we are.

Chee Mun was diagnosed with cancer since last year. I do not know what kind of cancer but something related to cell or soft tissues. It is a very rare cancer and in Malaysia, he is the first patient. Meaning to say, there is no medication that can help him other than morphine to subside the pain in him. The last time I visited him together with Calista was in end May 09 at Damansara Specialist Hospital. During that time he looks good although Shirene told us that his brother had been ill. We saw both of his legs were swollen. He can’t lie down on the bed or walk. So all day long he will only sit on an arm-chair. I felt so pity for him. He is only 22 years old and he has got so many things to do. I can see how weary and worried his mom is seeing at his son’s condition and furthermore this is the only son she has apart from the two daughters.

Well, we chatted with him for awhile and Calista gave him a card that she made and a box with full of encouragement bible verses. He was very touched and happy. Before we went home, we said that we will visit him again. Unfortunately on Tuesday (28/7/09), Calista sms me that Chee Mun has passed away. I was really shocked and sad when I saw the message. I felt so guilty for not visiting him when we said we will. I just feel so bad. We wanted to visit him all these while but now, there is no more chance. The lesson that I’ve learnt here is “don’t wait”. Whatever things that you feel like doing, just do it especially when you do it for a person.

One thing that Calista and I felt happy is that he accepted Jesus Christ before he leaved the world. At least we all know he is now united with God and he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.

Rest in Peace, Chee Mun and you will forever be remembered.


(Chee Mun's family pic. That guy behind is Chee Mun and Shirene is sitting on the right)

My Birthday Celebration (20/7/09)-Part 2

Part II on my birthday celebration story begun…

This morning while I was working, Joseph, one of my colleagues called me in to the meeting room. The first thing popped up in my mind was that the colleagues are going to sing birthday song for Joseph because it was his actual birthday today. When I stepped in to the meeting room, I saw my name on the cake. I was so surprised and touched as I thought is Joseph since his birthday is one earlier than me. Joseph was so sad and says that nobody will remember his birthday. Ohh…sound so sad.. So I quickly asked him to stand together with me but he was too shy to come over. So I’ve got no choice but to hold his hand.. haha…oh no..can’t believe he is the first guy I hold..(haha..just kidding). They sang the birthday song for us and we cut the cake.

I am really happy and feel so loved with all the lovely colleagues around. After work, we went to Plus One Shabu Shabu for steamboat dinner. We had a great fun eating and chit-chatting. Towards the end of our dinner, the waitress brought in the birthday cake for me. I didn’t expect to have cake again since I already had it in the morning. It was another surprise for me. When I saw the cake, I was happy and embarrassed. Happy because I can make wishes again and embarrassed because it is Winnie the Pooh a jelly cake. I told them I can’t believe at my age of 32, I’m having a Winnie the Pooh jelly cake. They all laughed at me. Well, I do like Winnie the Pooh because he always has a smiley face and he is so cute. Looking at the Pooh will makes me smile. :-)

After singing song and making wishes, it’s time to cut the cake. Seriously I don’t know where and which part to start off. Felt so pity cutting the pooh off but no choice, we need to eat anyway.. haha..

It was indeed a very happy day for me and I will remember this year’s celebration which brought me so much of good memories. Thanks be to God who always be there for me and sent me all the good people which makes my life happier and meaningful.


(Steph & Li Ching)

(Steph & Nei Nei)

(Steph & Lawrence)


(Steph, Melissa and Sue Yin)


(Steph & Joseph)

(Steph & Jerome)

(Steph & Ms Yang)

(L-R: Nei Nei, Sue Yin, Li Ching, Steph)

My Birthday Celebration (18/7/09)-Part 1

Although my happy mood is not fully recover, I guess I still need to blog on my birthday celebration (as requested by Jerome..hehe..) before the month of July ends.

It happens on 18th July (Saturday). I was not on duty (duty means taking care of mom at home) on that day and I have initially thought of having a rest day at home. I don’t need to wake up so early and can take my own sweet time to lepak at home and at night we will hang out with Kenny & Ah Yat. Unfortunately Calista told me she need to work on Saturday and because we car pool, I have to go out together with her in the morning. She asked me to go to work while waiting for her. I was very disappointed at that time because my initial plan didn’t work out and furthermore I was asked to work when I don’t feel like working.

On Saturday, Calista said she will come and pick me up from office by 2pm and will try to make it earlier because our outing time is at 4pm. So I waited until 1.30pm and at 2pm also she hasn’t call. I knew again she won’t be able to make it on time. I was getting a little bit mad because I don’t like people who promised a certain time and not able to make it. In fact, my other sister, Jenny called me and asks if I want her to pick me up to her house first. I told her if Calista is still late, then I might as well wait at her house. So, she finally came to pick me up.

At 3pm, Kenny sent me a msg saying that they can’t meet up with us already cuz Ah Yat got something to do. At that time, it’s very suspicious already. I told Jenny, this better be true, if I know they trying to trick me, they are going to get from me. Although my instinct told me something not right here, in my heart, I’m still angry with Calista. I shared with Jenny how disappointed I am. My initial plan was cancelled and I had to go to work. Calista was late to fetch me and now Kenny said not able to meet up. I am very angry and feel like crying cuz it’s my birthday!!! How can they treat me like this?

So when I reached Jenny’s house, there they are coming out from one of the room and Calista was carrying a tray of cupcakes. I was so surprised and touched but I didn’t shed a tear. I guess is because I already cried a little in the car and was still hot in me. I don’t know how to express myself when I saw them. But in my heart, I’m really touched and happy.

I didn’t know Calista said she need to work is to go to Jenny’s house to bake cup cakes for me. But still, shouldn’t ask me to go to work mar… and some more I can’t sleep late. :(

After that, we just spend time at Jenny’s house cuz the next plan is to go for dinner at 6.30pm. I just get myself prepared and opened up my present that Kennys bought. It was a dress! I’m so surprised that they will buy me a dress. I wonder how they know or guess my size. Haha… luckily I can fit in. But if I lose a little bit weight will look better with that dress. ;)

They were very secretive and didn’t let me know what the plans are for the day. So I just wait and see. They brought me to Happy 4 Seasons where there are 4 seasons inside the restaurant. Of course we chose the winter season to have dinner. It was really cold and the environment also not bad. Autumn is nice too but a little bit warm. The food is so-so only, not very delicious.

So after dinner, we went to Pavillion to catch a movie. It’s the Ice Age 3 (in 3D) that we are waiting for. Overall, the outing was great despite some mixture feelings I had in the beginning. A lot of new experiences I had like watching 3D movie, having dinner in winter season, having so many cupcakes, etc.

Thanks so much to my sisters (Calista, Jenny and family), Kenny, Ah Yat, Elaine and Ang. This would be one of the memorable birthday celebrations I had.

Learn to Say NO!!

Why is it so hard to find someone to compromise? Why can’t people help each other with a willing heart? Why can’t they be more understanding?

I felt too much of a restriction until I am not able to do the things I want or have an outing with friends. Sometimes I just felt so difficult to communicate with them because they aren’t an understanding person. I just feel very tired asking favor from people because every time I asked, their face, their expression just making me put a stop.

Looking at their response, I tell myself, see, when people asked a favor from you, you will always say yes. And now in return, that’s what you got!!

People can say “No” easily but I can’t. Perhaps next time I must try to say “No”. I don’t care if they feel offended or disappointed. I just don’t care anymore.

Feeling bored and tired

Due to working late for the last few nights, I just don't feel like or does not have the stamina to continue tonight. So I decided to check out my facebook and update my blog.

Was feeling a bit relax this 2 days as all the HODs were at Bali now for their offsite meeting. I can freely do my work this 2 days quietly. Too bad that I have meeting tomorrow morning, means I've wasted half of the day already. Hopefully can finish early and have a good lunch with my lunch buddies. :)

Talking about lunch, gosh..im increasing my weight again. My my...i supposed to take my herbalife la.. hehe... Nevermind, fat fat la.. :p

Anyway, looking at next week's agenda:

Monday - ISO audit
Tuesday & Wednesday - Leadership and Business Communication training
Thursday - usual work day
Friday - half day meeting

There go my week. How I wish I don't have training on Tuesday, so that I can take leave. It's my special day leh..:(

By right on Tuesday night I have company's dinner at TGIF, The Curve, but I got my English Class. So I have to decline this invite. Sigh...nothing special for me on Tuesday ady...

突然好想你也是最後的想你

I missed you.

I was browsing thru some of my files in the computer and found some pictures that we had taken together before. It brings back all the memories we had in the past few years. I missed the conversation with you where we can chat everything and anything over the phone. I missed the time we used to hang out for lunch or dinner just to catch up with each other and share our work stress. I missed the time when you came to my workstation to say Hi and grab my fisherman's sweet to eat. But now when you come to my floor, you acted that you never see me and find other way out. All these old memories has been crashed.

I wish I could turn back time that I never say those words to you. Since I can't, I wish I have lesser opportunity to work with you. I wish I have someone to think of to replace you in my memory. I wish I don't have to bump into you so often. I wish either one of us will not work in the same company so that I won't give myself a chance to think of you.

This would be my last time expressing my feelings about you and the last time I miss you.

Sad, Hurt & Disappointed

I wanted to post about my feeling now but in the end I decided to erased it all and cut the story short because the more I continue to type the more I feel hurt and disappointed. I don't want to get the whole house flooded or swollen eyes tomorrow. I've been keeping in my heart for more than a week and if I don't let it out, I scared the situation will get worst.

I wonder how long a person can angry with another person. Seriously I really don't like this kind of feeling. I am really sad, hurt and disappointed that you would behave like this. Am I really that bad to deserve how you treated me? I thought things will get better after I came back from Spore but unfortunately it doesn't. I wanted to reconcile with you but I don't know how to start or should I start first? I admit I'm not as tough as you. I cried to the Lord two times of our current situation. Did you? I wonder if you care about the relationship and would you want to carry on like this?

Right now, I just want to commit to God and pray to Him for opportunity to mend this broken relationship and remove all the scars in my heart or maybe yours.