You are still the one...

Today is his birthday but I can’t wish him. I try to control myself not to msg/email to him. What a difficult task. Thinking of him but can’t do anything. What I can do is to write down the memorable time we had for the last 3 years.

We met in the office and we worked together. SAP has brought us close to each other. Because I have experience with the new version and he is not, so we get along quite well. We discuss and learn from each other. I still remember during that time I don’t know about IM (instant messaging) in lotus notes which we can chat with colleagues within DKSH. I and he correspond through email until when I got IM, we started to IM each other.

In IM, we shared a lot of things, our stress, our personal problems and even a little gossiping.. ;) My most memorable time is our first outing to church for an event. I invited a lot of my colleagues including him but to my surprise he agreed to go with me. None of my colleague accepted the invitation but he did. I’m so happy!

On that day I’m so looking forward and after work, we went for dinner nearby my church. That’s the time I know him better. He even shared about his relationship with me when I told him that I like to imagine. He said his ex-gf has this kind of symptoms too which is more serious than me. What a coincidence. We had a great night and the event was good.

The second outing is to Damansara Perdana, one of the café. I also didn’t expect he will come. In fact, I remember I asked him to karaoke but he can’t make it. Then he asks me out the next day and I told him okay. Unfortunately later he said he can’t cuz he got a friend come by to visit him, so we decided to meet at night at the café.

There are a few outings for us other than going out for lunch during working hour. I don’t need to mention each outing except the last outing we had which is towards christmas time. He asked me out for Christmas dinner. This is because both of us were so busy with our projects and hardly catch up. So he proposed to have dinner together and at the same time to catch up. Of course I’m excited and looking forward.

That night he brought me to Kelana Jaya Square (oh no..i forgotten the name of the restaurant) but it’s a very romantic restaurant where we sat near the pond. We had our steak and we even shared a bowl of soup as it’s quite big portion. After dinner, he sent me back to office to wait for calista to come and pick me up. While waiting for calista, I offered him a massage when he mentioned he was tired. I still remembered I did the same when both of us involved in a project and have to work late. He said my strength is not strong enough and he showed the right way to massage. All I can say, that night is the most memorable night I had with him among all the outings. And sadly, it is also our last night.

After my confession to him, all the above feelings have gone. I felt is like a tragedy to me. He did not talk to me as it like before, he did not say hi when he pass by my place and even try to avoid me. I’ve cried many times because of him and knowing that he is leaving, make me even more pain. I could not see him anymore. I was wishing that he will stay but he didn’t. He told me that he will keep in touch with me when he left that day, but he didn’t. Is it true that guys’ words cannot be trusted?

He left for few months and I did msg him once but he didn’t reply. I am very curious if he is still in Malaysia or not. Recently, one the colleague talks bout him and I took the opportunity to ask my colleague to call him. True enough he is still in Malaysia. I don’t know why I felt happy when I know he is still in Malaysia. Maybe I’m imagining that we could meet one day.

Until today, I still cannot let go of him. I tried not to think of him but off and on the memories will flashback in my head. Maybe when I leave DKSH, it would be the time I let go. I’m just hoping he will drop me a msg/email. I wonder this day will ever come.

Anyway, happy birthday to you…you are still the one who has placed a deep footprint in my heart. I wish you all the best in whatever you do. Miss you so much and the time we work together.