Beautiful Saviour

Yesterday i was on duty at home and couldn't go to church. There is always alternate Sunday that I have to stay at home to take care my mom who is a stroke patient. Though my mom has this stroke, I thank God that she is at least not bed-ridden. She can walk slowly with her walking stick.

A lot of the Sundays I don’t feel like missing church as I always brought work back to work (knowing that I won’t be going out to anywhere). But yesterday I felt the urge to spend time with God worshipping Him and reading His Word. Maybe because I overheard some worship songs played by my sis last night. So I decided to play a few worship songs and sang along.

When I started to sing “Beautiful Saviour” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xadN02RK7-4), I just couldn’t control myself but just knelt down on my knees and wept uncontrollably. My tears just fall like a heavy rain. I had a very good cry I would say. I felt so touch by this song of how wonderful Jesus is that every time we called upon His name, He will help us. I always felt guilty when He answered my prayer even though I haven’t prayed. He knows me so well that make me very guilty when I don’t have time for Him.

Thinking of all these, I just cried and cried. I commit a lot of things to God. I told Him that I’m tired. I’m tired of the earthly things that happened around me. Work.. family.. relationship. I suddenly felt like I’m lack of strength, lack of motivation to work. But I felt peace when I worship God.

Many of my colleagues thought that I’m a very tough person that I can handle a lot of works and pressure. But actually I’m not. I’m just a normal human being too who needs support and understanding. Sometimes I’m in dilemma and don’t know who to turns to? My siblings might not understand the work pressure that I experienced recently. To them, I’m a workaholic. I work late at night, I worked during weekends, I worked on public holidays. How I wish God can tell me what to do..