Mom has gone through the 10 sessions of acupuncture already but don't seems to have a big change. Mom is still weak and hardly talk or smile. I really miss her smiley face where she can smile of anything. But now she doesn't wanna talk even though we ask her many questions and don't want to laugh even though we tried hard to make her laugh.
I felt there is something inside her, maybe she felt discomfort, maybe she felt she is a burden to us, maybe she is not happy, maybe she felt giving up. I just felt it when i look into her eyes and face. I always asked her how she felt thinking of digging something out from her but she never reply. I felt very sad looking at her helpless reaction and i can't do anything.
During this period, I guess my patience has really improved but also scared I can't hold long. My brother, sister and dad became quite fast temper and demanding. I felt tired to response to them sometimes and rather keep silent. I can be patience whenever they demand me to do things. I can be patience when my sis treat mom not as soft as me because everyone has their own style. I can be patience when they don't talk positive words in front of mom (like saying bringing mom to nursing home/old folks). Because i have no more strength to entertain nor expressing my feeling to them. All I want is to spend my time with mom and see her improvement. I do not want to care what they say but just going with the flow. I'm so tired.
Work don't seem smooth to me also and I guess I have disappoint my boss when I don't meet the deadlines. I don't know why i feel very demotivated to do anything. I just want to be quiet. But on the other hand, I'm very glad that I'm a child of God. He is the only one that I can depend and feel loved. He gives me encouragement to live on, he gives me church member to care for me and pray for my parents and family members. Without God, I guess I have give up this family long time ago.
