I couldn’t remember when my last time was going to church. This morning, thank God that my brother doesn’t need me to swap duty with him and so off I went to church. Today’s feeling is very different from other Sunday. Maybe because it’s been awhile that I didn’t go to church.I prayed to God and asked for His forgiveness before I start my journey. I have been a very disobedient child. I often find reasons not to read bible, find reasons not to have quiet time with God, find reasons not to go church and even find reasons not to attend cell but I can’t find any reasons not to online and log in to my favorite MSN and facebook.
This morning was a baptism day in my church. There were around 15-20 persons baptizing. The couple who really catches my eyes was an old lady and an old man. I guess both were around late 50s or early 60s. I was imagining when I will see my family members baptizing especially my parents. This both aunty and uncle have chosen the right path and I feel happy for them. As the baptism ceremony goes on, the Holy Spirit kept on prompting to me and brought me back in year 2002, Christmas Day.
I was baptized with my younger sister with the witness from my mom and siblings. That was my most happiest and unforgettable moment in my life. My sister and I (being the first-two Christians in the family) had went through many hardships convincing and proving to our family members that we have found the meaning of life; Life with our creator, our Heavenly Father, who sent His only son, Jesus Christ to die for us and how our lives has changed.
When Pastor prays for the candidates, I recall the commitments that I have made to God on my baptism day. How I want to know Him better, how I want to be an obedient child, how I want to reach out to people and save them. But what am I doing now? How much and how deep do I know God? How many chapters have I read in the bible? And how many lives have I saved?
The whole service I was so disturbed by all these questions in my heart & I felt so guilty. I just can’t control my tears and felt so sorry to God. When brother Gilbert lead us to a closing song, “Lord You are Always here with me”, I closed my eyes and asked God to forgive me and give me another chance to come back to Him. No matter how disobedient I am and how much sins I have committed, God is always here with me, blessing me at the background. Where can I find a God that never gives up on me even though I have given up on Him?
