Coming back to the heart of Worship

I couldn’t remember when my last time was going to church. This morning, thank God that my brother doesn’t need me to swap duty with him and so off I went to church. Today’s feeling is very different from other Sunday. Maybe because it’s been awhile that I didn’t go to church.

I prayed to God and asked for His forgiveness before I start my journey. I have been a very disobedient child. I often find reasons not to read bible, find reasons not to have quiet time with God, find reasons not to go church and even find reasons not to attend cell but I can’t find any reasons not to online and log in to my favorite MSN and facebook.

This morning was a baptism day in my church. There were around 15-20 persons baptizing. The couple who really catches my eyes was an old lady and an old man. I guess both were around late 50s or early 60s. I was imagining when I will see my family members baptizing especially my parents. This both aunty and uncle have chosen the right path and I feel happy for them. As the baptism ceremony goes on, the Holy Spirit kept on prompting to me and brought me back in year 2002, Christmas Day.

I was baptized with my younger sister with the witness from my mom and siblings. That was my most happiest and unforgettable moment in my life. My sister and I (being the first-two Christians in the family) had went through many hardships convincing and proving to our family members that we have found the meaning of life; Life with our creator, our Heavenly Father, who sent His only son, Jesus Christ to die for us and how our lives has changed.

When Pastor prays for the candidates, I recall the commitments that I have made to God on my baptism day. How I want to know Him better, how I want to be an obedient child, how I want to reach out to people and save them. But what am I doing now? How much and how deep do I know God? How many chapters have I read in the bible? And how many lives have I saved?

The whole service I was so disturbed by all these questions in my heart & I felt so guilty. I just can’t control my tears and felt so sorry to God. When brother Gilbert lead us to a closing song, “Lord You are Always here with me”, I closed my eyes and asked God to forgive me and give me another chance to come back to Him. No matter how disobedient I am and how much sins I have committed, God is always here with me, blessing me at the background. Where can I find a God that never gives up on me even though I have given up on Him?

傷心的一天

當我最忙的是後,這消息突然來了.聽到他要離開了,真的很傷心.以前他還在這裡做工的時候,還會有機會遇見他.但是現在沒了.他的離開我知道是遲早的事,不過沒有想到這麼快.

怎麼辦呢??到現在還放不下.从那天跟他說了之後,他完全變了另外一个人.看到我裝沒看到.沒有以前聊的那麼開心了.一切的回憶就好想百紙一樣. 覺得很心痛,很可惜. 回想過來,如果沒有跟他說的話,我們現在的關係會不會好很多呢?

天啊,快點幫我洗腦啦!!然後放多多開心的事在裡面,那我就會開心起來了!!!

Appreciate everyone's in your life, whether is family or friends.

Last Wednesday I attended Chee Mun’s funeral with Calista. Chee Mun was Calista’s colleague’s (Shirene) brother. I heard about Chee Mun for some time through Calista. Our relationship is a bit complicated. Calista’s colleague so happen to be my schoolmate whom we did not keep in touch at all. And Chee Mun is also considering our schoolmate because he studied the same primary school as we are.

Chee Mun was diagnosed with cancer since last year. I do not know what kind of cancer but something related to cell or soft tissues. It is a very rare cancer and in Malaysia, he is the first patient. Meaning to say, there is no medication that can help him other than morphine to subside the pain in him. The last time I visited him together with Calista was in end May 09 at Damansara Specialist Hospital. During that time he looks good although Shirene told us that his brother had been ill. We saw both of his legs were swollen. He can’t lie down on the bed or walk. So all day long he will only sit on an arm-chair. I felt so pity for him. He is only 22 years old and he has got so many things to do. I can see how weary and worried his mom is seeing at his son’s condition and furthermore this is the only son she has apart from the two daughters.

Well, we chatted with him for awhile and Calista gave him a card that she made and a box with full of encouragement bible verses. He was very touched and happy. Before we went home, we said that we will visit him again. Unfortunately on Tuesday (28/7/09), Calista sms me that Chee Mun has passed away. I was really shocked and sad when I saw the message. I felt so guilty for not visiting him when we said we will. I just feel so bad. We wanted to visit him all these while but now, there is no more chance. The lesson that I’ve learnt here is “don’t wait”. Whatever things that you feel like doing, just do it especially when you do it for a person.

One thing that Calista and I felt happy is that he accepted Jesus Christ before he leaved the world. At least we all know he is now united with God and he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.

Rest in Peace, Chee Mun and you will forever be remembered.


(Chee Mun's family pic. That guy behind is Chee Mun and Shirene is sitting on the right)

My Birthday Celebration (20/7/09)-Part 2

Part II on my birthday celebration story begun…

This morning while I was working, Joseph, one of my colleagues called me in to the meeting room. The first thing popped up in my mind was that the colleagues are going to sing birthday song for Joseph because it was his actual birthday today. When I stepped in to the meeting room, I saw my name on the cake. I was so surprised and touched as I thought is Joseph since his birthday is one earlier than me. Joseph was so sad and says that nobody will remember his birthday. Ohh…sound so sad.. So I quickly asked him to stand together with me but he was too shy to come over. So I’ve got no choice but to hold his hand.. haha…oh no..can’t believe he is the first guy I hold..(haha..just kidding). They sang the birthday song for us and we cut the cake.

I am really happy and feel so loved with all the lovely colleagues around. After work, we went to Plus One Shabu Shabu for steamboat dinner. We had a great fun eating and chit-chatting. Towards the end of our dinner, the waitress brought in the birthday cake for me. I didn’t expect to have cake again since I already had it in the morning. It was another surprise for me. When I saw the cake, I was happy and embarrassed. Happy because I can make wishes again and embarrassed because it is Winnie the Pooh a jelly cake. I told them I can’t believe at my age of 32, I’m having a Winnie the Pooh jelly cake. They all laughed at me. Well, I do like Winnie the Pooh because he always has a smiley face and he is so cute. Looking at the Pooh will makes me smile. :-)

After singing song and making wishes, it’s time to cut the cake. Seriously I don’t know where and which part to start off. Felt so pity cutting the pooh off but no choice, we need to eat anyway.. haha..

It was indeed a very happy day for me and I will remember this year’s celebration which brought me so much of good memories. Thanks be to God who always be there for me and sent me all the good people which makes my life happier and meaningful.


(Steph & Li Ching)

(Steph & Nei Nei)

(Steph & Lawrence)


(Steph, Melissa and Sue Yin)


(Steph & Joseph)

(Steph & Jerome)

(Steph & Ms Yang)

(L-R: Nei Nei, Sue Yin, Li Ching, Steph)

My Birthday Celebration (18/7/09)-Part 1

Although my happy mood is not fully recover, I guess I still need to blog on my birthday celebration (as requested by Jerome..hehe..) before the month of July ends.

It happens on 18th July (Saturday). I was not on duty (duty means taking care of mom at home) on that day and I have initially thought of having a rest day at home. I don’t need to wake up so early and can take my own sweet time to lepak at home and at night we will hang out with Kenny & Ah Yat. Unfortunately Calista told me she need to work on Saturday and because we car pool, I have to go out together with her in the morning. She asked me to go to work while waiting for her. I was very disappointed at that time because my initial plan didn’t work out and furthermore I was asked to work when I don’t feel like working.

On Saturday, Calista said she will come and pick me up from office by 2pm and will try to make it earlier because our outing time is at 4pm. So I waited until 1.30pm and at 2pm also she hasn’t call. I knew again she won’t be able to make it on time. I was getting a little bit mad because I don’t like people who promised a certain time and not able to make it. In fact, my other sister, Jenny called me and asks if I want her to pick me up to her house first. I told her if Calista is still late, then I might as well wait at her house. So, she finally came to pick me up.

At 3pm, Kenny sent me a msg saying that they can’t meet up with us already cuz Ah Yat got something to do. At that time, it’s very suspicious already. I told Jenny, this better be true, if I know they trying to trick me, they are going to get from me. Although my instinct told me something not right here, in my heart, I’m still angry with Calista. I shared with Jenny how disappointed I am. My initial plan was cancelled and I had to go to work. Calista was late to fetch me and now Kenny said not able to meet up. I am very angry and feel like crying cuz it’s my birthday!!! How can they treat me like this?

So when I reached Jenny’s house, there they are coming out from one of the room and Calista was carrying a tray of cupcakes. I was so surprised and touched but I didn’t shed a tear. I guess is because I already cried a little in the car and was still hot in me. I don’t know how to express myself when I saw them. But in my heart, I’m really touched and happy.

I didn’t know Calista said she need to work is to go to Jenny’s house to bake cup cakes for me. But still, shouldn’t ask me to go to work mar… and some more I can’t sleep late. :(

After that, we just spend time at Jenny’s house cuz the next plan is to go for dinner at 6.30pm. I just get myself prepared and opened up my present that Kennys bought. It was a dress! I’m so surprised that they will buy me a dress. I wonder how they know or guess my size. Haha… luckily I can fit in. But if I lose a little bit weight will look better with that dress. ;)

They were very secretive and didn’t let me know what the plans are for the day. So I just wait and see. They brought me to Happy 4 Seasons where there are 4 seasons inside the restaurant. Of course we chose the winter season to have dinner. It was really cold and the environment also not bad. Autumn is nice too but a little bit warm. The food is so-so only, not very delicious.

So after dinner, we went to Pavillion to catch a movie. It’s the Ice Age 3 (in 3D) that we are waiting for. Overall, the outing was great despite some mixture feelings I had in the beginning. A lot of new experiences I had like watching 3D movie, having dinner in winter season, having so many cupcakes, etc.

Thanks so much to my sisters (Calista, Jenny and family), Kenny, Ah Yat, Elaine and Ang. This would be one of the memorable birthday celebrations I had.

Learn to Say NO!!

Why is it so hard to find someone to compromise? Why can’t people help each other with a willing heart? Why can’t they be more understanding?

I felt too much of a restriction until I am not able to do the things I want or have an outing with friends. Sometimes I just felt so difficult to communicate with them because they aren’t an understanding person. I just feel very tired asking favor from people because every time I asked, their face, their expression just making me put a stop.

Looking at their response, I tell myself, see, when people asked a favor from you, you will always say yes. And now in return, that’s what you got!!

People can say “No” easily but I can’t. Perhaps next time I must try to say “No”. I don’t care if they feel offended or disappointed. I just don’t care anymore.

Feeling bored and tired

Due to working late for the last few nights, I just don't feel like or does not have the stamina to continue tonight. So I decided to check out my facebook and update my blog.

Was feeling a bit relax this 2 days as all the HODs were at Bali now for their offsite meeting. I can freely do my work this 2 days quietly. Too bad that I have meeting tomorrow morning, means I've wasted half of the day already. Hopefully can finish early and have a good lunch with my lunch buddies. :)

Talking about lunch, gosh..im increasing my weight again. My my...i supposed to take my herbalife la.. hehe... Nevermind, fat fat la.. :p

Anyway, looking at next week's agenda:

Monday - ISO audit
Tuesday & Wednesday - Leadership and Business Communication training
Thursday - usual work day
Friday - half day meeting

There go my week. How I wish I don't have training on Tuesday, so that I can take leave. It's my special day leh..:(

By right on Tuesday night I have company's dinner at TGIF, The Curve, but I got my English Class. So I have to decline this invite. Sigh...nothing special for me on Tuesday ady...

突然好想你也是最後的想你

I missed you.

I was browsing thru some of my files in the computer and found some pictures that we had taken together before. It brings back all the memories we had in the past few years. I missed the conversation with you where we can chat everything and anything over the phone. I missed the time we used to hang out for lunch or dinner just to catch up with each other and share our work stress. I missed the time when you came to my workstation to say Hi and grab my fisherman's sweet to eat. But now when you come to my floor, you acted that you never see me and find other way out. All these old memories has been crashed.

I wish I could turn back time that I never say those words to you. Since I can't, I wish I have lesser opportunity to work with you. I wish I have someone to think of to replace you in my memory. I wish I don't have to bump into you so often. I wish either one of us will not work in the same company so that I won't give myself a chance to think of you.

This would be my last time expressing my feelings about you and the last time I miss you.

Sad, Hurt & Disappointed

I wanted to post about my feeling now but in the end I decided to erased it all and cut the story short because the more I continue to type the more I feel hurt and disappointed. I don't want to get the whole house flooded or swollen eyes tomorrow. I've been keeping in my heart for more than a week and if I don't let it out, I scared the situation will get worst.

I wonder how long a person can angry with another person. Seriously I really don't like this kind of feeling. I am really sad, hurt and disappointed that you would behave like this. Am I really that bad to deserve how you treated me? I thought things will get better after I came back from Spore but unfortunately it doesn't. I wanted to reconcile with you but I don't know how to start or should I start first? I admit I'm not as tough as you. I cried to the Lord two times of our current situation. Did you? I wonder if you care about the relationship and would you want to carry on like this?

Right now, I just want to commit to God and pray to Him for opportunity to mend this broken relationship and remove all the scars in my heart or maybe yours.

So no mood

I've been hearing a lot of sad news recently:

(i) Friend's brother diagnosed with cancer
(ii) Sister in-law's father admitted to hospital because of heart attack
(iii) My sister not well
(iv) My dad's eyes not well


I hope there is no more addition on top of this because I scared I cannot take it. When I know that my sister is not well in Spore, it has really affected me and I don't have the mood to continue my work. I just felt like I want to go and see her immediately because I know she need our support and care. She is my 2nd younger sister and by right she should stay with us and enjoy being the younger sibling in the family. But because of her work, she need to learned to become strong and independent. She has in a way made me proud of her.


I always cannot understand what are the feelings staying away from home until I experienced myself with the recent trip to Bangkok. It was my very first trip travelling alone. I really don't like to travel alone or go shopping alone but I know I have to step out of it one day. Staying alone in the hotel is seriously no fun. I cant imagine how my sis take it staying away from home for many years. She told me she sometimes felt lonely and hopeless especially when she fall sick. It makes my heart so pain when I imagine there is no one there to take care of her, cook porridge for her, bring her to see doctor, etc.


I thanked God that my sis just came online. At least I know she is okay. My tears just can't stop falling down although I wanted to chat with her so much. I know I can't chat with this feeling because I don't want to make her even more depressed and sad. She has really gone through a lot and I really don't understand why God kept on testing her but I trust in you, God. I ask that you look with mercy and grace towards her. Nourish her spirit and sould in this time of suffering and comfort her with your presence. Let her know you are there with her through this difficulty. Amen.

Ah Yat's Birthday Celebration in advance (20th June 09)

It's another year celebrating Ah Yat's (Kenny) birthday. Time flies and he is 21 years old now. I wonder if he has got his "key" from his parents already? hahaha..

We went to The Apartment at the Curve for a late dinner. After dinner about 11.30pm, we thought of hanging out at Sanctuary but Ah Yat doesnt want. I believe he was worried that we will go to take him out to the stage for a gig. :p So he suggested to go sing-k but unfortunately redbox was full house. We checked out Neway but they charged RM44++ per person. So expensive!!! In the end, we decided to go home.

So, that's the end of the program. :) But nevertheless, hope he enjoyed the night and may his wishes come true. :)

Happy birthday ah yat!!!

Two Kennys with the kid. Seems like potential being a father. haha...

Wonderful and Memorable Church Camp

I just came back from Church Camp yesterday after spending 4 days and 3 nights at Legend Hotel, KL. This camp was organized by Hope Singapore and my sister was one of the members there. So she brought us to the camp, my very first camp attending with my 2 lovely sisters.


It was more than 5 years since my first camp and I was so looking forward and excited to this camp. I joined my sister's cell group and they were very nice and friendly people. We have been very well taken care of by them and I cannot forget those touching moments when the cell leader give comments and handout a postcard to each of his cell members including calista and I. I was really touched by his action and thoughts.


We were sharing our objectives on what to expect in this camp at the end of the day and my only objective was to get close to God. I felt that I have been far away from God and I want to find the first love that I had for God when I first accepted Christ. During the altar call session, I went out and one of the sisters came and pray for me. She didn't ask what my prayer point is, instead, she told me that she could sense that God is telling her that there is a coldness in me who hunger for God's touch. I was so amazed on how God answered my prayer. I was really praying to God to fill me with fire again and to stand for God. At that night, I was so motivated and furthermore listening to all the teachings given by the pastors, I have so much to think and reflect back.


I really had a great time worshipping God and the fellowship with Rena's cell group members. I'm gonna miss them but nevertheless, Singapore is not too far from Malaysia. Will sure meet them very soon. It always good to be in the family of God with so much cares and love pour out to me. :)


Haven't really got all the pictures yet as those pictures taken from different people. Just a few here:

Sick Day

I was sick today. :( My head was spinning when i got up from bed. But since im on duty today, i have got no choice but still got up and buy breakfast for mom. After taking breakfast, i vomited twice. I quickly go take panadol and sleep for an hour. Then woke up and cook porridge. Yea, i cook porridge for myself lor.. suddenly felt so pity of me. :( But it's okay, cuz my sisters not around, so i have to be indenpendent. :)

After lunch i took panadol again and slept for 3 hours. Then i felt so much better and at least can face the PC. :) I thought i can do my work today, then at least i can take MC tomorrow. But don't think I'm able to finish it and furthermore, my bosses not around tomorrow, i have to be on standby in the office.

Anyway, I really thank God for all my friends who dropped comment on my facebook to check on me. Felt so touched.

My 1st day of Evening Class

Started my first day of English for Business at Utar College. We do not have any lecturing today but we sat for the placement test. The result will determine which class we should be placed under; whether high or low class. We'll see next week.

The placement test was quite tough especially thinking of one word to replace each phrases:
a) due to the fact that as
b) for the purpose of
c) from time to time
d) in reference to
e) in the amount of
f) in the event of
g) the vast majority of
h) in the very near future
i) it is imperative that
j) small and tiny micro-organisms

I just couldn't think of any better word. Well, anticipating the answers the next session :)

Oh ya, btw, it was a smooth n lucky day. As soon as I got down from my car this morning, i saw a one ringgit note on the floor, so i picked up. My colleague said you are lucky today to spot that note. True enough, my PO worth RM 2.6mio got signed by my 2 bosses without giving me a hard time. Praise the Lord!!!

Hardworking Day

I had been very hardworking today. I spent almost one day to figure out how much stocks I need to buy for my supplier. My supplier proposed me to buy RM4 mio worth of stocks for the month of June but unfortunately my boss doesn't approve. She has asked me to cut from RM4 mio to RM 2.5mio!!! Oh gosh..i was wondering how am I going to do that? My supplier is going to run promotion and campaign this month and if I don't order much for them and end up out of stocks, I will be in big trouble.

And so I spent the whole day analysing the proposal again by product, yes, it's by product which consist of 230 stockcodes. You can bet my eyes is getting watery & blur looking at the tiny numbers. I can't believe I really managed to bring it down the value to RM 2.6 mio. This is the best I could do and hope that I buy the right product and quantity. :)

Internally, I managed to bring down the value and I believe my bosses would sign for it. On supplier side, I have to explain to them the reason why I did not buy as per their proposal. But nevertheless, I do have facts to challenge them. Pray for a smooth discussion tomorrow.

Oh ya, tomorrow I will be starting my first class for Business English at Utar college. I'm so excited and looking forward to learn new things. I thank God for my company who willing to pay for my course. God has been so good to me.

My New Layout :)

Haha...after 5 months of silence, i finally back to blogspot. I have been influenced by Kenny who started back his blog recently since his last post...hmm..i think got one year ago... worst than me :p

Alright, here I am. Since I have not been updated for quite awhile, I decided to do something new by having a new layout for my blog. Unfortunately after I have changed it, everything gone; the chat history, my friend's link and my other gadget stuff. But it's ok, lets start it anew. I quite like my blog now. Something different.

Well, I have a lot to share/update but I have to get on bed now. It's midnight now. Good night and sweet dreams.

Cell Group

One of my resolutions in year 2009 is to settle down in a cell group. Calista and I had been having our honey moon for the last 2 years. We visited a few cell groups but yet still can’t find one to settle down.

Last Friday (09.01.09), Calista and I went and meet up one of the cells. This cell was recommended by my ex-colleague. I have been wanted to visit the cell too but always finding reason not to go. Now finally we met. That night we have no cell meeting but we went for dinner at The Curve. The cell members were quite friendly and we can click very well. Calista and I felt quite comfortable with them too.

We pray that this is the cell that God want us to be. And through this cell, we would be able to grow strongly in faith with God.

New Portfolio Commenced...

Happy New Year..

I have also started my new role in heading over Supplier and Supply Chain Management. It was really crazy in the beginning as I’ve been receiving emails non-stop. I always need to housekeep my mailbox everyday to avoid exceeding the quota. Every email I have to read and try to understand what the supplier’s request and to fulfill them. It is really challenging for me. Everyday I just asked God for the strength and wisdom as I perform my task.

Hope things would get better in the next few weeks to come. :)

New Year, New Resolutions, New Dreams

Like every blogger does, I also like to share my resolutions here, so that this will be my checklist when 2009 ends.

Last night during watchnight celebration, Pastor shared with us on what God has in-store for us in 2009. There are two key-words, Opportunity & Expansion and my resolution goes like this:

1. Make time for people
2. Find opportunity to share the love of God to people & save at least one person
3. Settle down in a cell group
4. Be a member of DUMC and join in at least one ministry
5. Spend time with God and read bible
6. Be grateful and appreciate things and people in my life
7. Think wisely and be mature
8. Lose another 5 kgs
9. Make another successful project
10. Be patient and control my temper

It seems a lot, but God’s willing, I will be able to make my dreams comes alive.

Whoever makes their resolutions; I wish all of you, good luck and keep it up for what you have committed. Don’t live a day with regrets.

God bless!!

Reflection of Year 2008

2008 has finally draws to a close. There were a lot of things happened through out the year

I would like to thank God for His everlasting love to me. Thanking God for giving me the strength and wisdom in all that I do.

My most unforgettable experience in 2008 was handling a project for my company. It was my very first project and it took 4 months to complete it and went LIVE by phases. The last phase will be in January 2009. With this, we will be able to close this project successfully.

During this period of time, I have learnt how to plan my time for projects and also my current portfolio. I have learnt new things from other department when we worked together. I have learnt that being a project coordinator is not easy. I need to communicate with all the users and ensure that I get all the users to participate on the briefing and perform testing. I have learnt that when you put in your effort to do something, you will reap what you sowed. I thank God despite all these challenges I encountered, in the end, I received a lot compliments from my colleagues and bosses on this project. This project has really helped us a lot and I’m glad it works. Praise be to God.

In terms of relationship, I have not met a right partner yet but I will patiently wait for God’s timing. On the other hand, the secret that I’ve kept for 2 years, I have finally said it out to that person. This person did not give me any answer and from his reaction, I knew the answer. Well, I’m glad I said it before end of 2008, so that in 2009, I can start fresh. Forget the past and moving forward.

In terms of health, I have started drinking Herbalife 3 months ago. It was a tremendous Nutrition products and I managed to lose 4 kgs in 2 months time. I should be able to lose more but due to my laziness, I only drink once a while. Luckily I still maintain the weight and did not increase. In 2009, I will go back to Herbalife until I achieve my targeted weight. :)

Well, that’s my journey in 2008 and I’m really looking forward for this New Year. I believe it would be a better year.

Happy New Year!!